Snazziest Dressers of SLCC15

For the first time in my life, I  attended a comic book convention. I had a grand time cruising Artist’s Alley, doing a bunch of shopping, and, surprisingly, learned a lot about life.


She-Ra

I learned that some people are very free with letting strange men hold their stuff.


He-Man

I learned that making eye-contact with flamboyantly dressed men for an extended period of time is fairly uncomfortable.

Pearl, from Steven Universe

I learned that people who carry spears are usually eager to use them.

 

Tonberry, from Final Fantasy

The same holds true for knives.

Sailor Moon

I learned that you always win when you side with love and justice.

 

Steampunk Finn, from Adventure Time

I learned that selfies don’t always capture the pertinent part of a picture, like a really cool steampunk arm.

Genderswapped Midna, from Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

I learned that asking a costumed individual to behave “in character” sometimes leads to unpleasantness.

Captain America

I learned that I should, like, do some sit-ups or something.

Black Widow

I learned that necks are surprisingly durable for how sensitive they are.

Kiki, from Kiki’s Delivery Service

I learned that teenage girls hanging out with their dads are far more approachable now than they were when I was sixteen.

Scott Pilgrim, from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

I learned that you don’t hit on another guy’s girlfriend…

Ramona Flowers, from Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World

…cuz she might hit you back.

Glinda the Good Witch, from The Wizard of Oz

I learned that giddiness does not become me.

Princess Mononoke

I learned that it’s surprisingly difficult to look feral.

Bee, from Bee and Puppycat

I learned that people in obscure costumes get really excited when other people recognize them.

Genderswapped Gambit, from X-Men

I learned that you should never trust anyone who carries around their own deck of cards.

Squirrel Girl

Seriously, they get so excited when you can tell them who their character is. It’s crazy.

Adam Warlock

I learned that I’m, in fact, super old.

Skull Kid, from The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

I learned that it’s very difficult to mimic a facial expression for a face that doesn’t have a mouth.

Splatoon

I learned that a good laundry facility is important.

Bane, from The Dark Knight Rises

I learned that mphhhm hmmm ph hmm mphhhm mph hmmmph will be very painful… for you!

Sadness, from Inside Out

I learned that it’s surprisingly difficult to be grumpy in a room full of costumed nerds.

Newsies

I learned that it is super hard to keep your eyes open while balancing on one foot for a picture.

Chun-Li, from Street Fighter

I learned that when you ask a video game character for a picture, you deserve what you get.

Him, from Powerpuff Girls

I learned that ANYONE who can manage to walk more than a few steps in six-inch heels should be applauded, period.

Honey Lemon, from Big Hero 6

I learned that love at first sight really does exist… but the object of your affection already has a boyfriend, so leave her alone or she’ll call the police on you.

Dr. Robotnik, from Sonic the Hedgehog

Okay, I didn’t learn anything from this guy, but dang if that costume isn’t amazing!

Genderswapped Juggernaut, from X-Men

I learned that skinny teenage girls can still wreck your business up.

Samus Aran, from Metroid

I learned that I will never put the hours into costume building needed to ever look this awesome.

Princess Merida, from Brave

I learned that sometimes you have to run into the same amazing costume, like, a half dozen times before you finally manage to get a picture with them.

Genderswapped Pyramid Head, from Silent Hill

I learned that parents obviously don’t know what’s up with the video games their children play. Either that, or this girl has terrible parents.

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Mad Mad Magical Girl

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Funny thing… I’ve always has a soft spot for cool female action protagonists.  Heck, going back to when I was a kid, I really liked characters like April O’Neil from Ninja Turtles, Gadget Hackwrench from Chip & Dale’s Rescue Rangers, and Jenny.

You know, Jenny?

The telepathic cat alien from Bucky O’Hare and the Toad Wars?

Sometimes, when I describe my life, I feel like I’m having a seizure.

Slipping Through

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I’ve got this story in my mind about a girl who falls asleep one night in her bed as usual and wakes up the next day, with no explanation, in a completely alien world.  Instead of writing the story, I drew this picture.  Pictures are cool like that.

Also, wouldn’t it be super embarrassing to wake up in an alien world with Ninja Turtle pajamas on?  Almost makes you want to go out and buy classic flannel pants right now, doesn’t it?

Just Lie To Me

So I can’t stand non-fiction…  Anything I read or see that purports in any way to be “based on a true story” or “inspired by real events” instantly gets a black mark in my book.  I’d rather not even waste my time.

  
This is an old bias, something that’s been around at least since my college days.  I first noticed it while reading a book called Driving Mr. Albert.  The author, one Mr. Michael Paterniti, learned that the brain of Albert Einstein had been stolen during the medical examiner’s autopsy.  Paterniti took it upon himself to recruit the surgeon into a road trip across the United States, with the purported goal of reuniting Einstein’s brain with his family.

The book is proof positive that sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction; however, it failed to convince me that truth is any more truthful.

Paterniti describes a scene about midway through where he placed a call from a payphone to his wife.  The two got in an argument, and she quickly hung up on him.  Paterniti describes his response to the argument by detailing how cool the metal from the payphone felt against his flushed skin as the rain came down outside… but all I could hear was Paterniti thinking to himself, “At least this will make a great scene in my book!”

It’s probably be inappropriate for me to accuse Paterniti (or really any non-fictionist) of lying.  After all, the “facts” of the story are 100% accurate.  Yes, Thomas Stoltz Harvey stole Einstein’s brain.  Yes, these two road warriors did decide to visit William S. Burroughs on their road trip.  Yes, I’m willing to bet the payphone was cool against the skin.  Still, the whole story feels manufacture, as if the “facts” were being used to push some other agenda, like winning Paterniti some writing awards or something.

The thing is, I now have a similar response to almost every bit of non-fiction I read.  Memoirs, autobiographies, theses… anything with more spice than the driest of textbooks immediately appears to me to be pushing some sort of agenda.  I’d rather not have people twisting the facts to make a point.  Heck, I’d rather they just lie to me.

After all, once I know you’re lying, I can try to figure out what you’re REALLY saying on my own.

Away From the Tower

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The solid black background was the result of a mistake.  Rather than find a way to fit it in sort of stylistically, I chose to black the whole thing out.

Do guys wear anything other than T-shirts?  See, I’m a guy, and I’ve been wearing clothes for at least 75% of my life, but I always seem to sport the same three basic looks:

  • T-shirt and jeans
  • Collared shirt, with or without a tie
  • Suit

That’s, like, six or seven different kinds of clothing.

Meanwhile, women’s fashion seems to consist of a ridiculous amount of variety:  skirts, slacks, shorts, skorts, scarves, blouses, dresses, gowns, and about a billion variations on those with names I’d be embarrassed to use for fear of accidentally naming a city in Turkey instead of an article of clothing.

Maybe I just need to crack open a GQ magazine or something…

Yes, Indeed

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Yeah… seems like every morning, I drag myself out of bed with ten minutes to spare before I have to be out the door for work.  I barely have the presence of mind to put on pants first.

I took a look back at my recent drawings, and there are… a lot of women in them.  Easily more than 50%.  It’s funny, but once upon a time, back when I was first learning how to draw, I didn’t draw ANY women for fear of… I don’t know, forgetting their hips or something.

In fact, I remember working on a picture once while a friend of mine was watching, only for her to lean over and say, “You know women have boobs, right?”

Another time, this same friend told me the women I drew needed to have their bras fixed, because they were all over the place…

I’ve never taken figure drawing, you guys.

Where was I going with this?

Oh, yeah.  I hate mornings.  But I think I said that already.

The World Revolves Around PDA

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So I’ve been in the mood to watch a really good romance recently.  You know, the kind where there’s this guy, and this girl, and they are, like, totally in love with each other, but they don’t realize it, and so they agree to, like, be friends and help each other out, and they’re all biscuits and cream, except that, sometimes, one will sneak a peek at the other and get this kind of wistful look in their eye that says that they’re totally thinking about what it would be like if they could just open up enough to let the other one into their heart, and this goes on for, like, about an hour and a half of run time…

Yeah, so I decided to take those feelings and turn them into a picture about two parents making out in public while their kids beat each other up.  That’s how my train of thought works sometimes.

Braddy’s Nature Hike (And What He Saw There)

A while back, I felt a bit… creatively under the weather, so I decided that the thing I needed was to get out into “The Nature” so I could get all inspired by the scenery and whatnot.  So I went hiking.

Turns out “The Nature” is a wonderful place, which I completely failed to capture with my sketchbook and mechanical pencil.

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I’m gonna chalk a lot of that up to impatience.  See, I’ve learned that really good drawing takes a really, really long time, and, frankly, I didn’t want to spend the entire day just sitting on a rock sketching a single piece of landscape.  So I did some quick doodles and moved on to the next scene.

Turns out that, as much as I loved being in “The Nature,” there was very little along the lines of actual wilderness for me to see.  Admittedly, I chose to hike a pretty popular trail on a pretty busy weekend, so I shouldn’t be at all surprised that I continually ran into other hikers on the trail.  The thing that weirded me out the most, though, was coming across a bobby pin as I hiked.

I don’t think ANYPLACE can be considered wilderness if there are bobby pins lying about.

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Not only that, but, when I reached the end of the hiking trail, rather than this pristine, untouched oasis of pure nature, I found a dried-up old lake with a beaten-down stone wall.  Which, you know, was actually pretty cool.  See, the wall had this big gaping hole right in the middle, as though the trees all lined up behind it and butted the whole thing over.  It wasn’t exactly “natural,” but it was really the exact kind of scenery I was (apparently) hoping to find.

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As was this bridge, which was… you know, just a bridge.  A bridge I found within the first five minutes of starting the hike.  I probably spent about a half hour on the bridge before I realized I really needed to get a move on if I was going to finish my hike before El Chupacabra came out for his nocturnal goat-feasting.

So, yeah, hiking was pretty cool.  It certainly got me excited about the “real world” again… although I don’t think I was quite prepared for the “real world” to be so demanding on my thirst glands.  I literally dripped with sweat.  I poured.  I was the clouds of heaven, opening up a deluge of perspiration on Noah’s dainty ark.  And I only had about a quart of water to drink on the way.  Lesson learned – I suck at outdoorsy stuff.

Also, are “thirst glands” a real thing?  I think my biology teacher teached me wrongly.